The Words I Couldnt Say...

I climbed the stairs to his front door, white knuckling the 6 packs as a result of my nerves. I could almost feel my whole body shaking. What was wrong with me? I was so sure this was right but at the same time I know how wrong it is. What’s that famous saying though? The heart wants what I wants? Was my heart a “bad heart” for wanting someone who shouldn’t be wanting me back? How does someone justify wanting someone else’s husband? How does someone push those thoughts and feelings aside in order to be happy? But when I’m actually with Andrew those thoughts seem to just dissipate. What was I getting myself into? This is all just too crazy. And before I could process all these thoughts and figure out my shit in the 5 seconds it takes a person to climb someone’s front steps, Andrew was opening the door and reaching for the beer to take it from my hands.

“Well hurry inside, it’s about a million degrees out here and I’ve been missing you.” Andrew exclaimed, practically pulling me and the beer inside. I giggled at his excitement and the thoughts just faded away. I kicked the door shut behind me and followed him into the kitchen, opening the fridge so he could put the beer inside. As soon as the beer was out of his hands, they were on my face. His rough hands cupped my face softly as he pulled me up, kissing me quickly but hard before pulling back. I smiled and reached for him pulling his lips back to mind quickly, “Well hello there,” I said giggling and reaching behind him for a few beers.

“If I didn’t know better, I would think you were more excited to have henrys on your lips than me,” he said laughing and grabbing the bottle opener. “Let’s order dinner, is Chinese okay?”

“Perfect. Orange chicken?”

“How about that and some chicken lo mien, we can share.”

“Extra soy sauce and fortune cookies and you have a deal,” I said padding across the room to the couch as he dialed and ordered. 40 minute.

Leaving his phone in the kitchen he climbed over the couch landing beside me. “Now what shall we do while we wait?” he said smirking as his hand ran up and down my thigh.

I raised my eye brows and laughed, now was the perfect chance to tell him it was him. But I couldn’t bring myself to say the words I was longing to say and to admit that if he was going to be with me I wasn’t sure how I would feel with him being with his wife too. Suddenly all my lips could do was kiss his.