Heartbreak with a side of the hangover blues.

I woke up the next morning with a pounding head ache. I squinted over at the clock on my night stand. 7:23. I should have known that drinking a bottle (or three) of wine accompanied by a few shots last night would have me waking up hurting. Why was it so bright in my room? Ugh.

After leaving Andrews around 3:30, I sat in the front seat of my car and cried it out until about 4, then headed right to heaven on earth. Aka the strip mall near my house where the liquor store neighbored the pizza shop. I ordered a small pepperoni extra cheese pizza then headed next door and bought three bottles of wine while I waited for it to be cooked. After all was said and done, I climbed back into my car with my dates for the night and headed home. The pizza and wine then accompanied me on my couch for a binge night with a rerun marathon of Say Yes to The Dress episodes. Around 6pm, I texted Maureen that I wasn’t going to be able to come into work the following morning, which I know was immature of me but I hadn’t taken a day off since I started working there and I needed a me night turned into a me day badly after everything that went down in the last 48 hours. After that I left my phone on quiet up in my bed and took two bottles of wine to the face, hard, and ate one slice of pizza more than I would like to admit. Needless to say, whatever happened after that was a blur and now I was feeling the repercussions of my mini break down night--all over my body.

I searched my bed, hitting my blankets all around me until I felt my phone in my hand, I opened my eyes squinting down at it and found four missed calls and a bunch of texts. I scrolled through them, 2 from my dad, oops; 3 from Andrew, EW; and 1 from Lauren.

I opened the texts shortly after. Rolling onto my stomach to get more comfortable I began looking through them. Holy shit. I don’t know if I was more surprised that ten of the messages were from Andrew, or that during my drunken stupor I didn’t answer him. I decided to skip over those and look at the rest then deal with that fuckery after. I opened the group message from the girls, laughing at the pictures I sent them in my drunken pizza splurge. Then opened the text from my dad and smiled immediately, reading over the few messages from him, letting me know him along with my two brothers, Jake and Joey, and my niece, Joe’s daughter, Michaela, would be visiting me on Friday for the weekend. I frowned a little thinking about how long it’s been since I’ve seen them. A family weekend sounded like the most perfect way to end what I know was going to be a hectic upcoming week.

I closed my eyes, sighing a little then pulled myself up and out of bed, padding through the house and letting Daisy outside. I settled down on my couch, which unfortunately instantly reminded me of Andrew and the little surprise I found just a short while ago. I laid back and unlocked my phone then opened my inbox. Starring at Andrew’s name, with a blue bold little dot next to it in my phone, indicated unread messages. I ran my thumb over the screen, not pressing hard enough to open the messages, wondering whether I should just delete them or take the time and read through them. I decided on the later, knowing if I deleted them I would go crazy all day wondering what they said. The instant butterflies in my stomach made me regret opening them. My mind reeling with thoughts as I read each message one by one.

Andrew: You’re so pretty when you’re mad.

Arrogant son of a bitch.

Andrew: Jess…please let me explain.

What was there to explain?

Andrew: I’ve been worried about you all night, please just let me know you got home alright. I know you were probably really upset while you were driving.

 Oh, so now you want to be a decent guy?

Andrew: Please….

Begging now are we?

Andrew: I know I don’t deserve your time but please don’t shut me out without at least hearing my side of things. I was going to tell you. This is not how I planned on things working out.

I want to hear your side so badly. I want to forgive you, but I know I shouldn’t.

Andrew: I knew I shouldn’t even have hung out with you. I know even that was crossing a boundary. I knew from the moment I saw you that you weren’t going to be an easy girl to get out of my head and from the first time we hung out I was sure of it. I know I shouldn’t have showed up at your house that night, but there was nowhere else I could even think about wanting to be.

And here come the tears. At least I know he felt strongly quickly like I had.

Andrew: There’s no words to even explain how poorly I feel about all of this. Even after it all, I can’t get you out of my mind.

The feeling was mutual there.

Andrew: Can I come over tomorrow? Or we meet up somewhere maybe?

Yes. NO. Well I guess so, yea. NO JESS! My poor conscious was sooooo confused.

Andrew:  I hope you are safe. Please don’t let this be the end. You already kissed me. It not like things could get worse from here….

I guess we was true in that. I was already in a way “the other girl.” He had already cheated on his wife with me, and nothing was going to change that fact. So would letting it continue on even be any more bad? The harm and damage was already done, wasn’t it?

I hated myself for even trying to justify all of this and make it okay.

Andrew: Goodnight pretty girl.  I am so sorry. I really am. Please talk to me tomorrow.

You have no idea how badly I want to.

I wiped the tears from my face, last night’s mascara streaking across my hand. I was glad that I hadn’t texted him back and was just dealing with this problem alone. I didn’t know what I was going to do about the whole situation, but I definitely needed to figure it out on my own before seeing Andrew again, or I know my decision will swing one way, and I’m not sure if I’m mentally prepared to be the other girl just yet.